“So Profess... Omar,” said Jane
taking a seat in front of the Professor's desk. “What did you wish
to see me about and why the urgency?”
“I've uncovered something amazing,”
said Al Arash, sitting at his desk and bending over to start
unlocking a large safe. He opened it and removed an ancient box,
covered in hieroglyphics. “I couldn't believe my luck when I heard
that the daughter of John Stalwart was here in Egypt.”
“Lovely,” said Jane, glancing at
the box with interest. “Old, early fifth dynasty, that's Osiris and
that would be...”
“Is she holding a phallus?”
interjected Patty, staring with as much interest at the box as Jane
was giving it.
“Yes Patricia. That's Osiris' wife
Isis and the other woman is Nepthys. One myth has Set cutting Osiris
into pieces. Isis reassembled the pieces, but couldn't find his penis
so she fashioned a penis of gold for him and brought him back to life
long enough for him to impregnate her with the god, Horus. After
that, Osiris went from a god of fertility to a god of the underworld.
There's a hieroglyph of him still with his penis. As you can see it's
erect and...”
“And very large,” said Patty,
giggling.
“Hush Patty,” said Jane, giving her
Lady Maid a stern look. Jane was only five years older then Patty's
twenty-one, but she was much more worldly.
“You are your father's daughter,”
said Omar, impressed with Jane's knowledge. He opened the box. Jane's
eyes widened when he lifted it contents out.
“Very large indeed,” gasped Patty,
staring at the golden phallus. “And very lifelike.” The erect
penis was nearly a foot long and resembled a real penis having veins,
bumps, and ridges.
“May I?” asked Jane, reaching for
it.
“Careful,” said Omar, handing it to
her. “The COCK OF OSIRIS is said to be cursed.”
“They're always cursed,” replied
Jane. The second she touched the golden COCK, Jane had one of her
insights. A bald priest with kohl eyeliner highlighting his eyes was
holding the COCK high in his hands looking down upon an orgy of naked
bodies, men and women entwined in love making and not always with
members of the opposite sex. Jane shook her head to clear it, hefting
the phallus in both hands. She turned the penis and stared at the
broken base with interest before handing it back to the Egyptologist,
“Not solid gold.”
“Stone covered in gold,” said Omar,
returning the COCK to the box.
“What's the deal with the curse then,
professor?” asked Patty.
“It's not common knowledge, but Isis
was said to once have been the goddess of purity and virginity, but
Osiris' phallus turned her into a goddess of sex and fertility. When
Isis first saw her brother's penis, she became enamored of it. Osiris
took her maidenhead and she lost some of her purity. He took her a
second time and she became more wanton, willing to service his cock
with her mouth and loving the taste of his manly seed. Then Set cut
Osiris to pieces and hid them throughout the world. Isis turned mad
with arousal, her need for her husband's phallus grew into a
maddening lust until she fashioned him a new cock from gold,
attaching it to his body and mating with him for a third time and
conceiving Horus. After the third time, Isis changed for good,
lusting for sex constantly and taking on all comers. I'm sorry if
this offends you, young lady.” Patty appeared distraught by the
story.
“My word!” Patty was blushing
furiously. The flush spread from her cheeks down to her chest.
“I'm... fine professor.”
“Egyptian mythology is not a good
subject for those offended by tales of sex, Patricia,” interjected
Jane studying the hieroglyphs on the box while Omar sealed it. “And
many other mythologies for that matter.”
Omar raised an eyebrow and nodded his
head in agreement.“This artifact is said to be the actual one
constructed by Isis herself. It is said to have the same powers at
the actual cock of the god. Anyone man or woman baptized by the COCK
OF OSIRIS three times will become as wanton as the goddess herself.”
“What does it mean, baptized?”
asked Patty.
“It means the cock must ejaculate on
you,” said Jane, sitting up from her examination of the box. “But
since a stone phallus can't ejaculate, I believe we are safe Miss
O'Toole.”
“God save Ireland,” muttered Patty,
gulping.
The professor sat back and smiled. “So
did you recognize the phallus, Lady Stalwart.
Jane smiled back. “Indeed I did,
Professor Al Arash, the fractured back of the COCK appears to be an
exact match for a certain statue of Osiris you and my father
recovered from the desert twenty years ago.”
“The statue in the British Museum?”
asked Patty.
The professor's smile faded. “Jane, I
need you to return the COCK to the statue and as soon as possible.
There are certain forces that do not want the COCK to leave Egypt.”
“Why do YOU want it to leave Egypt?”
asked Jane. “You've been arguing to keep ancient Egyptian artifacts
in country for years.”
“The COCK is dangerous as are the
forces looking for it. Besides, it belongs on the statue, reunited
with Osiris. Please Lady Stalwart.”
Jane reached out and took the
professor's hand. “Of course Omar. It means heading for home a
little sooner then I planned, but I can leave tomorrow.”
“Praise Mary,” muttered Patty,
wiping sweat off her forehead. She was eager to return to a more god
favored climate.
“I'm staying at the Continental. Meet
me for breakfast around half past eight.” Jane stood up from the
chair.
“Gladly Lady Jane. I'll see about
chartering a plane to Istanbul for you.”
Jane turned to leave the tent before
looking back. “Oh and Professor?” she asked. “Bring that big
COCK with you.”
